Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Fear.
Looking through the course guide (which resembled an undergraduate course selection from Duke with all these fluffly names, titles, and stuff)...I suddenly feel terrified about this decision that I've made. These courses look TERRIFYING. They look fluffy in some places, incredibly dry in others, but each and every one just looks scary and intimidating. I would like to crawl back home to Wash U where I know the students, I know the building, professors, and life there...and be comfortable again. This is some scary shit. I have to submit letters and resumes for half the fucking classes. Ugh....
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2 comments:
Hey baby,
So Ill be the first to post. Breathe and relax. (weird coming from me, huh? :)) You're gonna be great....even better than great... you're gonna be spectacular like you were at Wash U. Tomorrow will calm your fears, Im sure (and if it helps, just pretend you're me for a few minutes and ask a ton of questions...and bring a pen, hell bring your freakin computer and feaverishly type every piece of information you get tomorrow just to scare off all of the other transfers :)....and if that doesnt intimidate them tell them you once owned a miniature cow ;)).......obviously, just kidding, so dont worry and think about everything that got you where you are and just trust that-period. The chips will fall into place. Love you. A.
Im responding to my own comment b/c I want to post again and I wanted to see what you have to say about today.....I assume you have loads of things to do with your parents.
Anyway, like usual, I poured myself a hearty glass of red wine before going to bed and am enjoying the presense of a slow, murky buzz in my sleepy head. I think I have about 10 more minutes of consciousness before I fall into a deep sleep :).
So Im very happy today happened (finally) for you :) and that it happened so well. Seems like you met a lot of nice people- and 2 good things- 1) a lot (more than you expected so better chance the class wont be divided into cliques) and 2) nice people- so see, you can find em in Boston (even if they are midwesterners- yay! :))
I think this whole experience is going to really treat you well. Just think about it- the best and most developed, expanded, tested, debated legal educational institution in the world. Thats pretty cool- and yes you are a nerd for liking the library and the underground tunnels......as long as you're not out meeting cute girls, Im happy you're wanting so badly to be in the library :).
So, on to other things......hmmm oh this is something I wanted to say today but I didnt- when I was at the Drs office I was told that the biggest danger with lung cancer (the deadliest of all cancers) is that it is so hard to detect (and chest x-rays are hardly cost effective so few people can afford to have early detection)so you never know WHEN you manifest the cause of cancerous cells in your lungs. We could be walkihg around NOW with the cells already there and just around the time we are 40 they will be large enough to detect. HOWEVER the sooner we quit, the more time young lungs have time to heal and/or fight off cancerous cells (if they even have a chance). The Doc told me she has friends who smoked less than I have who have already died of lung cancer- that's something really to think about.
Beyond lung cancer, smoking effects the vessels in all of our organs and most importantly our hearts. So, every time we take a puff, we are making it harder for blood to get to our organs (ANY organ) and thus operate. So, smoking takes its toll quickly... in ways we havent really even thought of.
Ok, so enough of that. I guess Im putting this out there as a public declaration for myself since I have "quit" several times already, and THIS IS THE TIME. Things are always stressful and there will always be changes (jobs, families, moves, kids, etc) so I figure, now is the best time, the earliest time before all those other stressful, changing life times come. Honestly when I think it means one less of a day with you (meaning you or me shortening our lives), it really hits me hard. Naomi is in healthy condition, and its a shame her husband is not here to enjoy life with her to the end.
Ok, so enough of that. Sorry it's so dark. Its just REALLY REALLY on my mind- and so much more important right now than law school, jobs, and all this other clutter that has been occupying my mind lately :).
So, thats it from me. I cant wait to see you in a few weeks! 15 and counting! Love you and talk to you soon!
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