Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

So I begin with a famous quotation from Oscar Wilde. And you might think this heralds something pompous. Something heady. Some fundamental shift in my way of thinking. You would be correct. You would also be correct that the topic and tone of this upcoming post is the reason that Blogs are useless. It's about one of my two favorite topics. And it's not Angus.

Because today, I have decided that in spite of my longstanding support for large, enormous, succulent prehistoric super-sized leaves...
I am starting to support tiny, young, baby greens. (Holy shit, after seeing this picture, I might change my mind. Those leaves are AWESOME!!!)
So now we turn to baby green vegetables. Just look at that baby spinach. It's...almost buttery. I've recently been overcome by how utterly satisfying it is to take a big, fluffy fork loaded with shards of tender, deep green vegetables, and then shoving it all in my mouth and chewing away like the brontosaurus I am. (Ok, fine, jojo, Brachiosaurus.) I can't really describe why. Part of it is because leafy greens don't really seem like food to me. Pizza seems like food. Meat patty seems like food. Large helpings of warm smooth starches and big chunks of protein seem like food. They're created and manufactured for our consumption.

But salad greens seem so different. They're just leaves off plants that, unless I've been fooled, pack massive amounts of nutrients into these tiny organic little sheets. And the baby ones are just so vibrantly green, so flawlessly formed with perfect complexions, flawless veining, and tenderness like your mother's touch. I mean, look at this picture...
Don't tell me you don't want to just swoop down and take huge bites out of fields of this stuff.
(Note: This picture came from a news story about tainted e. coli spinach.) I think my first real exposure to this satisfaction of eating greens came with buying "Live Butter Lettuce." I'm not sure if you've ever seen it before, but some grocery stores carry lettuce with its roots that is still alive when you buy it. When I first opened the thing, I just remember how the surface of the lettuce was so...(goddammit...) alive and fresh, and the texture of it it my finger tips was smooth and cool to the touch, but just the slightest bit tacky. And then I tore it with my fingers, and for some reason THAT was awesome too.

It just seems like we're so far removed from such basic foods, that it seems so strange to be shoveling raw plant leaves into our mouths. It's probably stranger to THINK that it's strange to be eating raw vegetables...but it is sorta primal.

Now I want to make clear: I generally don't like vegetables. I hate ordering steamed vegetables at restaurants. I pick the carrots off my salads. I eat cucumbers but always dread the chore of it. I don't understand why people eat Beets. (Bears eat beets.) I think Romaine lettuce is lifeless, boring, nutritiously devoid crap, I think Iceberg lettuce is even worse, and I generally don't understand Caesar salad, unless it's made very well, and without huge standalone chunks of white lettuce spine fouling up the whole thing. I don't like broccoli, but I like the satisfaction of eating something so clearly bizarre, and undisputably nutritious that at least I can feel some satisfaction that some good will come from it. I don't feel any sense of satisfaction in eating most fruit either. An apple? What sorta satisfaction do you get from THAT? Hey, semi-sore gums from biting into a geometrical shape not meant to be bitten straight into and a flavor that's never all that satisfying. (Note: Mango does rule.) Point? I don't actually like most vegetables. For example, THIS?

...is God's joke on humanity. Pure Suck. It's like seeing what stupid shit you can get fish to eat in those parks with fish food dispenser. After you run out of cat food to throw at the disgusting fish, people invariably turn to rocks, loogies, and wood chips to see what the fish will eat. (Have you never noticed that the areas around those feeding spots are invariably stripped bare of pebbles and loose debris?) God started with steak, moved to broccoli, and then celery. Hence, celery eaters are God's disgusting moron fish that all of God's friends go "EWWWWW GROSS!!!" at.

Although the obsession doesn't run as deep, I do enjoy the occasional salad mix
I'm not sure that I actually like the flavors so much as the wide variety of colors, shapes, and other novelties. I especially like those little spiky seeming fuckers, sorta like the one in the picture above the word "Green." I also get immense satisfaction from eating dandelion greens. Why? Because they're dandelion greens.

This post was by far the most ridiculous thing I've written in awhile...but i'm sorta freaking about secured transactions and I'm scared to open my book...sigh.

Disclaimer: Author has just bought 1 share in Earthbound Organics.