Singles Cooking and the Devil Incarnate

EDIT: I just bought a bunch of figs. Someone please tell me what I can do with these things.

Edit 2 - The End of Civilization.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO WOULD EAT THIS?!?!?!!!!

The title suggests that this post will be interesting. The title suggests wrong.

The first half, "Singles Cooking," refers to what I do now all by my lonesome in my apartment...which is cook cook cook. I'm not that great at it, but boy, do I love to do it. I'm still going strong on those vegetables I got one week ago - specifically I've finished every shred of that farm bounty with the exception of the carrot tops (eh.) and the turnips (what do I do?!). It was all delicious, so fresh, so beautiful, and so satisfying. I loved looking in my refrigerator and just seeing it stuffed FULL of vegetables and fruits to cook with. My latest meal, today, was Garlic Chili Stir-Fried Turnip Greens and Beet Greens (with soy sauce and a dash of chicken broth) on top of an over easy egg (Korean-style), on a bed of sushi rice.

Good stuff. Makes me feel all virtuous. Just in case you were interested, I've also discovered that if you just toast some random nuts like walnuts or pecans in a frying pan over high heat, and then add a nice pour of maple syrup and stir, stir, stir, shake, rattle, roll, for a few minutes...you get these fantastically crispy, hard shelled, sweet, caramelized nuts. I add a little cinnamon, nutmeg, and a little cayenne pepper...but you don't have to at all. It's 5 minutes, and it's awesome.

Incidentally, in case you're wondering why I've been so caught up in food recently with all the food reading, food writing, food buying, and food obsessing: I have had the same question. Besides the influence that certain books have had on me, particularly Michael Pollan's two books (which I still highly recommend), in discussion last night I noticed when the sharp upward trend in my food obsession began...have you guessed it?

Yep...when I quit smoking.

(Apart from the reminiscent weekends with buddies where I will smoke for 3 or 4 hours with them...I'm approaching 5 months!)


Now onto the Devil Incarnate: Slugs. I think a couple of people are aware of how much I absolutely HATE slugs. I don't even have a good reason. I just think they're awful, disgusting, hideously formed, oozy, goozy, floozy repulsive creatures that set off a visceral reaction in my blhaeragh!

Well for some reason, EVERY SINGLE DAY, and ONLY ON MY FRONT WALK, I keep encountering these enormous fucking slugs. And it's terrible. Here's one I came across today.

It doesn't look too big, but notice the size of the quarter I threw down for comparison. (It would have been closer to the slug, but I had to throw the quarter or else risk coming somewhat close to the vile beast.) This isn't even it's size on full extension, which is probably a good inch or two more. If you're not completely grossed out and appalled, do me a favor and click on the picture and bring it up full size. Now hold a real quarter up to your computer screen: See how it's almost exactly the same size? Now look at that fucker. And tell me you don't want to cry. I dare you.

So, as I do basically every single night, I took out my can of Morton Salt and shrivel slapped that thing to death with a steady pour of salt. (I always wonder if my landlady ever wonders where the little white piles on the walkway come from...) As you can guess, including the "after" picture would be in bad taste.

Now I know it's horrible to senselessly subject another living being to suffering. (any ideas about slug nervous systems anyone?) And I generally don't kill living things without reason (except for delicious meat purposes), and I think it's generally messed up to make things suffer...but forgive me this one habit...because I hate those things, and I don't know how else to get rid of them without getting close enough for it to jump up and bite me in the face. No really. Watch this video.



(Sarah and M, you should definitely remember this one. The rest of you, witness.)

And these were sprints: