"Are you Fucking Kidding ME!??!"

Edit: I feel less guilty, at least I don't have a special pair of slug scissors . Turns out there's also an informal name for this: Molluscophobia.

Depending on whether you're a normal human being, that is, whether or not you also rightly believe that slugs are indeed either God's cruel joke against feet or Satan's ghastly minions, you may or may not find this post to be appalling. Actually, you'll probably find this post appalling no matter what, because either 1) You love all of God's creatures and think I'm a horrible person for what I do to them, or 2) You hate slugs and want me to stop talking about this.

To start, I would like to institute a "Slug Body Count" to keep track of how many slugs have been slaughtered on my front porch. If it helps, you can think of me as another Hellboy, or John Constantine, or any appropriate super-hero vigilante doing what he can to fight evil. (I actually once fancied myself a vigilante against those who picked on Chinese kids. Although it never came to fruition, I came to this conclusion about my role in this world in 8th grade. I was just walking through the hallway when I saw a white 7th grader walk past one of the nerdy 6th Chinese kids I knew, reach out and squeeze his banana, laugh with all of his other white buddies, and walk off. I vowed to kill him. I did not.)

In any case, Slug Body Count: 10 (5 yesterday)

So last night I came home...and saw another HUGE FUCKER. Here he is. I had to use a Nickel this time, because it seemed like this was not going to stop and I was not going to continue to waste quarters. Plus, I would prefer to not attract bums to the steady string of coins.
Anyhow, I was pissed. So I gingerly shined my light around to look for others, and made it through the battlefield of my front walk into my house and grabbed my trusty Mortons. And then took special care to stay on the first step of my front porch to avoid stepping on any slugs who might be on the actual ground below. And then I commenced pouring. Action shot! (notice the salt is actually being poured on the left)

So while dousing Nickel Slug, I glanced over on the ground and...saw something move: It was a smaller slug. Tip of the Morton to ya laddie!

And...then...wait...wait wait wait WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!! Is.....that a slug on the STAIR!?
(vomits, shudders, and skin crawls) [Pours Salt]

....but...if that slug made it onto the stair...could...OTHER slugs have also...? [lifts shoe]
AGH FUCKING GOD, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??! OH GOD THERE WERE TWO!!!! OH! AH! GOD! FUCK! FUCK! OH THERE'S A FLOWER STUCK TO MY SHOE BY SLUG GOO! Oh the humanity!


(for a graphic depiction of my reaction, see this video between :50 and 1:30 - Remember when Ace Ventura figures out that Einhorn is a man and has to purge himself? Yeah.)

Five. FIVE Slugs. Two smashed under my shoe.

Despite the triviality...I repeat, as I do: God is not cool.





(Joey? Shall I set it up - 300 in 6 months? Anyone else you think wants in? Anyone else? Nik?)

Singles Cooking and the Devil Incarnate

EDIT: I just bought a bunch of figs. Someone please tell me what I can do with these things.

Edit 2 - The End of Civilization.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO WOULD EAT THIS?!?!?!!!!

The title suggests that this post will be interesting. The title suggests wrong.

The first half, "Singles Cooking," refers to what I do now all by my lonesome in my apartment...which is cook cook cook. I'm not that great at it, but boy, do I love to do it. I'm still going strong on those vegetables I got one week ago - specifically I've finished every shred of that farm bounty with the exception of the carrot tops (eh.) and the turnips (what do I do?!). It was all delicious, so fresh, so beautiful, and so satisfying. I loved looking in my refrigerator and just seeing it stuffed FULL of vegetables and fruits to cook with. My latest meal, today, was Garlic Chili Stir-Fried Turnip Greens and Beet Greens (with soy sauce and a dash of chicken broth) on top of an over easy egg (Korean-style), on a bed of sushi rice.

Good stuff. Makes me feel all virtuous. Just in case you were interested, I've also discovered that if you just toast some random nuts like walnuts or pecans in a frying pan over high heat, and then add a nice pour of maple syrup and stir, stir, stir, shake, rattle, roll, for a few minutes...you get these fantastically crispy, hard shelled, sweet, caramelized nuts. I add a little cinnamon, nutmeg, and a little cayenne pepper...but you don't have to at all. It's 5 minutes, and it's awesome.

Incidentally, in case you're wondering why I've been so caught up in food recently with all the food reading, food writing, food buying, and food obsessing: I have had the same question. Besides the influence that certain books have had on me, particularly Michael Pollan's two books (which I still highly recommend), in discussion last night I noticed when the sharp upward trend in my food obsession began...have you guessed it?

Yep...when I quit smoking.

(Apart from the reminiscent weekends with buddies where I will smoke for 3 or 4 hours with them...I'm approaching 5 months!)


Now onto the Devil Incarnate: Slugs. I think a couple of people are aware of how much I absolutely HATE slugs. I don't even have a good reason. I just think they're awful, disgusting, hideously formed, oozy, goozy, floozy repulsive creatures that set off a visceral reaction in my blhaeragh!

Well for some reason, EVERY SINGLE DAY, and ONLY ON MY FRONT WALK, I keep encountering these enormous fucking slugs. And it's terrible. Here's one I came across today.

It doesn't look too big, but notice the size of the quarter I threw down for comparison. (It would have been closer to the slug, but I had to throw the quarter or else risk coming somewhat close to the vile beast.) This isn't even it's size on full extension, which is probably a good inch or two more. If you're not completely grossed out and appalled, do me a favor and click on the picture and bring it up full size. Now hold a real quarter up to your computer screen: See how it's almost exactly the same size? Now look at that fucker. And tell me you don't want to cry. I dare you.

So, as I do basically every single night, I took out my can of Morton Salt and shrivel slapped that thing to death with a steady pour of salt. (I always wonder if my landlady ever wonders where the little white piles on the walkway come from...) As you can guess, including the "after" picture would be in bad taste.

Now I know it's horrible to senselessly subject another living being to suffering. (any ideas about slug nervous systems anyone?) And I generally don't kill living things without reason (except for delicious meat purposes), and I think it's generally messed up to make things suffer...but forgive me this one habit...because I hate those things, and I don't know how else to get rid of them without getting close enough for it to jump up and bite me in the face. No really. Watch this video.



(Sarah and M, you should definitely remember this one. The rest of you, witness.)

And these were sprints:

Sigh.

They say the world has become too complex for simple answers. They are wrong.
--Ronald Reagan

Hippie Meal.

Edit: This is the link Ashley posted in the comments.

So due to the entirely unmanageable volume of vegetables at my disposal (for 13 dollars I might add), I decided that today's meal would consist of Beets and Red Russian Kale. But what the fuck are you supposed to do with beets and red russian kale?

Braised Kale with (tons of) Thick Cut Salt-Cured Bacon (As you could have guessed, I used 3 times as much bacon as the recipe called for. Awesome.)

Mixed Green Salad with Maple Syrup Carmelized Walnuts, Goat Cheese, and Red Roasted Beets.

If it weren't for the fact that I appear to be eating an almost entirely plant-based diet, I would be very seriously concerned about impending fatassery...but then again, I turned the bacon from a flavoring into a major player...

My investment bears fruit.

Pardon the bad (and slightly inaccurate) pun.

But at the same time...SUCK IT!

What did I get? On the left...
Red Russian Kale
Turnips (and Turnip Greens)
Carrots
Beets (and Beet Greens)

And on the right...
Strawberries
Spinach

Yay! Ok....off to eat.

P.S. Anyone interested in a Nike+ running wager? Like, a nice steak or a trip to visit the winner, or something potentially humiliating? First to 20 miles? First to 100? Most in 30 days? I don't want to lose momentum - Plus, it's fun.

Sigh...

I haven't ranted about gun control in a long time, and I really don't plan to do so again because the policy argument boils down to "Really!? You actually think more guns are a good idea?"

Anyway, just in case you somehow missed the headlines, the Supreme Court finally ruled on the meaning of the Second Amendment, and now has come down (5-4 of course) on the side of an individual right to bear arms, an interpretation that has never been legally accepted in this country (despite the NRA's extraordinarily effective effort to convince Americans that the Constitution guaranteed that right).

Of course the decision probably isn't as simple as flatly guaranteeing all people the right to have guns, but I still dejectedly, and unsurprisingly, sigh "WTF." I may actually take the time to read this opinion later, but the fact that Justice Scalia wrote this one makes me none too enthusiastic about what I'm going to find.

As a general note, although it it has been flying under the radar thus far, I think one of the most important issues in the upcoming election, if not THE most important issue, is the judiciary: Ginsburg is 75, Stevens is 88, and Souter apparently wants out. If McCain wins, and his posturing and previous positions on the judiciary truly reflect his views, we're talking about a possible 8-1 conservative voting bloc for the next generation. And the consequences are definitely much bigger than abortion and whatever other mindless issues the electorate has been convinced the Court is about. This is legitimately terrifying.

Stupid.

Two things....

1) I just heard about one of my friends who didn't get an offer from her law firm because of her blog. She didn't say anything bad, but just vaguely described things that happened. Not good. I actually am not sure how to keep this thing private....any ideas? I feel like a "gateway" password or something is too self-important, although probably wise considering the circumstances.

2) What the hell is wrong with people? This is a web presentation of 20 Internet Acronyms All Parents Should Know, including such commonly used gems as NIFOC (Naked in Front of Computer). Ridix.

Coward.

(Whoo hoo! Still goin.)

Among my greater flaws, which I have begun to notice with intensifying scrutiny over the past few months, is the fact that I am a coward. I admit it. I think I live with slightly more "fear" than is healthy. I'm not particularly scared of anything, but I think that fear and anxiety underlie much of my existence.

Although I've acutely aware of this fault, I noticed it pretty clearly during my NPR-infused shower when I considered whether I would vote against ZANU-PF and Robert Mugabe or if I would cast a vote for Morgan Tsvangiri under the spectre of Mugabe's thugtastic violence (whether before or after Tsvangiri's withdrawal.)

I realized that I probably would have voted for Mugabe and would have crafted some craptastically persuasive, rational, and reasonable arguments why it would be in the long-term best interest of Zimbabwe, and somehow deferring the need for standing up and taking risks to sometime in the future. In short, whatever talents this world has chosen to bestow upon me, I seem to have channeled towards justifying avoidance and complacency instead of fighting for rightness.

I need to fix that.

A Terrorist Fist Jab.

Nik pointed this out to me this weekend, which left me flabbergasted. I'm not even sure I know what flabbergasted means, but it left me flabbergasted.



{shakes head}



Haha, Killing Osama, I mean, Obama, IS funny. I'm not shocked by the fact that these people exist and these tactics are used, nor am I shocked by the absurd farce that is Fox News...I'm just shocked that people aren't offended to be treated like docile mindless morons.

Hodge Podge.

The post started with a simple comment about the book I just read, and ended up just...growing and growing...

1) Then We Came to the End (M.)
2) The Shell Game (name withheld for national security purposes)
3) Working Stiff (MH)
4) Down and Out in Paris and London (Haubenreich)
5) Atlas Shrugged (RS)
6) White Castle (Korobi)
7) Confederacy of Dunces (MB)
8) Chinese Lessons: Five Classmates and the Story of New China (AB)
9) The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher (TYH)
10) Dhalgren (Jeff)
11) Catch-22 (TK)
12) Disgrace (RS-2)

Finished:
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay (Hsien)
Cereus Blooms at Midnight (Sarah)
Then We Came to the End (M.)

So I just finished up M.'s recommendation (or more accurately, one of MANY recommendations she gave me), which was Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris. As with almost every suggestion for reading that I've ever received from M., I was not disappointed to trust her recommendation. 8.5 out of 10.

The book is sort of hard to describe, so I'll keep it simple. It's about the hilarious, absurd, and idiosyncratic things that unfold in office culture, but is taking place during the collapse of the bubble and 10 year bull market in 2001. There's also some intense and incredibly human moments in the book that I didn't really expect.

I've established that I fucking BLOW at writing about books, but I want to mention that it is extremely readable and is the type of book where I would actually pick it up and read half a page while taking a piss. Or...even more telling...I read the book while walking home from the subway station on a beautiful sunny day, stretching my 7 minute walk into a 15 minute read/walk. I then got home and stumbled around my apartment stone blind for about 5 minutes because the sun's ultra-bright reflection on the pages made my field of vision one giant sunspot. (And because my eyes are naturally, genetically, and wonderfully squinty to begin with). It's pretty much the best sort of book to read. Why? Because you'll enjoy it.

I've started reading Shell Game, but I have to admit that I can tell I am going to find the book very upsetting. The best way to describe it is imagine if The Da Vinci Code plumbed the depths of oil economic, oil politics, the Middle East, and the past 8 years instead of looking for the Holy Grail. The research appears to be fairly meticulous with the fictional and real facts separated with enough skill that it seems fairly easy to not get misled. I imagine if this book caught fire the way the Da Vinci Code did, things would be very different...(mostly because it actually matters.) So, since I find these sorts of eye-openers so upsetting, I am going to move onto Working Stiff or Down and Out in Paris and London at the same time...

Incidentally, I have been reviewing the 2008 US Dep't of Energy report on oil reserves and potential drilling in the ANWR...and I have to say that it sounds like the categorically wrong way to deal with our problems. A fairly generous estimate of recoverable oil in ANWR is about 10 billion barrels, with production only coming online in 10 years. The US currently consumes 20 million barrels of oil each day, and it continues to grow. After some arithmetic (which I still didn't do without a calculator) it turns out that if we are lucky, ANWR oil could sustain the US for 500 days 10 years from now. These proposals cannot seriously be about the public good...but only appear rational from an oil lobby/profit standpoint. Luckily, it doesn't seem like anyone's really pushing this proposal anymore. (I haven't looked into offshore drilling, so RS, don't ask.)

Anyhow, I'm in San Francisco now. The flight over was miserable, but I did get to watch "Definitely, Maybe" and "27 Dresses" back to back while outlining my Bar Review Contracts handout. Since it's already been established that my guilty pleasures are quite public, quite non-masculine, and quite ridiculous, I have to admit that I actually liked "Definitely, Maybe." "27 Dresses" on the other hand just made me want to walk around slapping people just in case they related to the movie. That was NOT a good movie. (P.S. Cyclops should never be cast as a leading man. His face was born to be disliked.) (Oh, and add Josh Lucas too.)

FAIL/Win: Gay Marriage

Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye but fail to notice the beam in your own eye? - Matthew 7:3

[Edit: Video removed because it kept autoplaying and annoying me.]

CNN is a piece of shit. Totally. I admit it is one of the worst possible things I can imagine happening to the dissemination of information in this country. (Note: "one of" the worst possible things and "in this country." That prize, of course, goes to Fox News.)

That being said, whether you are liberal or conservative, you have to admit that this CNN video pretty awesomely captures FAIL and Win (aw. cute). That guy is a Super Douche...and I hope his first three divorces and first seven "homophiles" experiences don't affect his choice of shirts in the future.

Shit.

I think my bike was just stolen from my front porch.

Update: Yep.

Cookin'

So since law school has gotten out, I have more or less done nothing involving bar study except for going to lectures and filling in the blanks on handouts. It has been FanTASTIC. As a result, I have spent several hours watching episodes of Good Eats (best show ever) and cooking myself (and sometimes my buddy Ben) dinner every night. This, of course means, that the success I have had losing weight is being slowly reversed despite my constant working out...but oh so awesome.

We begin...with the chimney starter, hardwood lump charcoal, and a tiny 16 dollar grill.

Note 1: Chimney starters are awesome.
Note 2: Buying a whole bunch of CSA farm produce and googling to figure out wtf to make with it is also a wonderful thing. Below? My Mustard Greens Gratin. Ricotta, mustard greens, butter, garlic, parmagianno reggiano, salt, pepper, thick cut bacon (my own addition), and crumbled Ritz crackers.


That's all. Life is not all that interesting...but it's good enough. In other news, I'll be jetting back out to San Francisco this week and I also decided to apply for clerkships again. Ok bye.

Greens!

Edit: If you have any recipes for cooking any ingredients I receive, please pass them along!!

My First CSA Share has arrived!

I got an email from the farmer saying that today was going to be a light delivery since it was the very first harvest of the year. Despite the fact that this delivery was "light" by normal standards, I'm quite pleased considering the fact that the vegetables covered half of my entire coffee table.



From the left to the right: Mustard greens, pea tendrils (yum), Spinach, and Arugula. He said a variety of new vegetables would be coming up next week...so I'm definitely excited about that. Ok, enough, time to cook and eat! Tonight: Stir-Fry pea tendrils and Rice!

Model Minority blah blah...

Awesome - especially because my law firm has been given the nickname "Tea House on Lexington" due to the high number of Asians.

The report also said that more Asian-Americans and Pacific Islanders were enrolled in community colleges than in either public or private four-year colleges. But the idea that Asian-American “model minority” students are edging out all others is so ubiquitous that quips like “U.C.L.A. really stands for United Caucasians Lost Among Asians” or “M.I.T. means Made in Taiwan” have become common, the report said.

I thought I might as well post a link to an article about the recent report debunking a prevalent idea, namely that:

Asian-Americans [are] a homogeneous group of high achievers taking over the campuses of the nation’s most selective colleges....

That's all. Back to bar review....

Edit: I like this commercial. Cute kid.

Cereus Blooms at Night.

1) Cereus Blooms at Night (Sarah)
2) The Shell Game (name withheld for national security purposes)
3) Then We Came to the End (M.)
4) Working Stiff (MH)
5) Down and Out in Paris and London (Haubenreich)
6) Atlas Shrugged (RS)
7) White Castle (Korobi)
8) Confederacy of Dunces (MB)
9) Chinese Lessons: Five Classmates and the Story of New China (AB)
10) The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher (TYH)
11) Dhalgren (Jeff)
12) Catch-22 (TK)
13) Disgrance (RS-2)

Finished:
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay (Hsien)
Cereus Blooms at Midnight (Sarah)

[Edit: Having just finished writing this, I suggest you don't bother reading the post. It sucks and it is very boring.]

So I finally finished Cereus Blooms at Night by Shani Mootoo, recommended by Sarah. It took a little longer than I would have liked, but given the hecticness of graduation, living free, compiling family history, bar/bri, and constant cooking (tonight steamed red snapper, jie lan cai/Kai lan/Chinese broccoli, rice, and kim chee)...I wasn't able to read as much as I had hoped.

Anyway, I liked this book a lot, though I cannot say that it was one of those experiences that left me awestruck with moments where I would jerk my head up from reading, mouth agape, and irrationally look around the (empty) room just to check "did anyone else just see/read/feel that?! Dammit!" (I hope you know what I'm trying to communicate there...) To be honest, I find those moments pretty damn rare, and I guess wonderfully so...so all things considered, this book is a winner. I gave Kavalier and Clay an 8...so I think I would give this like a 6.8.

[I deleted several written paragraphs I had about this book...because what I had written was utterly stupid and boring.]

It turns out that I REALLY suck at trying to discuss books...so I don't think I'm going to try to after this other than just saying whether I liked it or not.

Anyhow, on to bed, and then onto Then we Came to the End (M.) or Shell Game if either is available at my local bookstore.

Oh, and my mom gave me a DVD full of old family photos. I think of these three, my favorite is the way I imagined Native Americans in the top right, not to mention my lifelong racism in the bottom.

Long Absence.

I think tons and tons of stuff has happened since my last post, but I don't think I really feel like getting into any of it, because it's not particularly interesting, and I'm sorta lazy right now. I'll break it down simply:

1. I graduated on June 5th. My parents were in the Northeast, Massachusetts, Cambridge, North Cambridge, my apartment, in my bed, for 4 days and 5 nights. They seemed to enjoy the trip, and there are some pictures on Facebook if such things interest you.
   
2. I have done almost NOTHING for my Bar Bri course. The time I have spent on outside assignments has totaled approximately 6 hours. It should be more like 60 by now.
3. I bought a small outdoor grill, hardwood lump charcoal, and a chimney starter. (Btw, chimney starters and hardwood lump charcoal are totally cheap, and they are TOTALLY awesome. I'm never going back to briquets and/or lighter fluid.)
4. I must have gained like, 15 pounds this weekend. (hence the two runs below. I've taken on a new running buddy, so his pace and distances will be reflected in the runs in the near future.)
5. I totally plan on going fishing in Walden Pond.
6. My CSA vegetable share begins Thursday!
7. I spent 3 or 4 hours on Friday night talking with my parents about their personal histories and my family history. (I think I did a post about this before.) In any case, I don't know what your families are like or how much you know about your family history, but it is fascinating to me what I learned about my parents and about my ancestors. I'm a large Chinese kid dropped in the middle of America with no sense of history and only the slightest sense of a cultural heritage: it is really something to find out what life was like for my parents and grandparents. If you don't really know it already, I highly recommend taking the time to talk to your parents about this sorta thing...one, because it gives you something to talk to your parents about besides "stop nagging," two, because I think it more than qualifies as "quality time", and three, because it's just interesting. (I had no idea my dad used to get into fistfights with other kids in elementary school to defend his older brother, who is slightly hunchbacked.)

For now that's all. I have been thinking lots about a lot of things, and will probably get on and rant again about something or other...but the Celtics game is about to come on, and beer beckons.

Triumph!!

Yesterday was a good day. Good news put me in a good mood!

I also wanted to note that I threw a dinner party on Sunday, which actually turned out to be moderately successful...and decided to cast my "what books to read" net a little bit wider...and so I've updated the list just in case anyone is interested or has any comments to make about any of the suggestions...

1) currently reading Cereus Blooms at Night (Sarah)
2) The Shell Game (name withheld for national security purposes)
3) Then We Came to the End (M.)
4) Working Stiff (MH)
5) Down and Out in Paris and London (Haubenreich)
6) Atlas Shrugged (RS)
7) White Castle (Korobi)
8) Confederacy of Dunces (MB)
9) Chinese Lessons: Five Classmates and the Story of New China (AB)
10) The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher (TYH)
11) Dhalgren (Jeff)
12) Catch-22 (TK)
13) Disgrance (RS-2)

Finished:
Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay (Hsien)

Oh, and my parents are coming into town for 5 days for graduation...so I'll be an "adult" soon...that is, if graduation is any indication of adulthood.

(oh, and I ran super slow today)

Concerts: Rilo Kiley

So back when I was in India, my brother sent me several cds including Rilo Kiley - More Adventurous. At the time, it went into my playlist, but it never really struck me. Then somehow, several years later, I picked up their latest album Under the Blacklight, which appears to be disliked by the critics and fans, but which I like better than previous albums. In any case, I have been waiting for quite a while to see them live...and I finally got my chance in Worcester Mass tonight...a moment long coming.
The band itself was pretty good. Their sound was tightly controlled: the lead guitarist's notes were crisp, clean, and dominant, the bass grooved with a warm elasticity, Jenny Lewis' voice was flawless, full, and oozed with...well Jenny Lewisness.

The problem? The crowd. Never have I felt my appreciation for a live show be so diminished by the crowd. There was nothing wrong with the crowd in particular...there were the skinny jeaners,
the hipster hairs
the studded belts
and the skinny jeans with studded belts

...fine. They're everywhere. The real issue is that when you go to a concert attended by these folks, the concerts have no life. Sure there is clapping and yelling after each song ends, as if on command...but there's no dancing. There's no movement. There's no energy. The band plays a slow song: The crowd stands there and watches. The band plays a fast song: The crowd stands there and watches. The band plays a dance number: The crowd stands there and watches. The lead singer claps to get the crowd clapping: A few clap, and critical mass point 1 is reached so that many are clapping, but with a slight increase to critical mass point 2, some people will never start clapping because doing so would make them seem like lame late adopters, and then if you keep clapping, there's fear of being the guy who claps too long.

I can't say what it is...but here's my theory. 1) This is a suburban white people phenomenon. 2) It stems from a well-cultivated perception of "irony." 3) It is borne of self-consciousness and fear of what people think of them. Of course, other people just don't have any interest in being remotely active during a concert...which is fine...but I don't really see this widespread phenomenon at...say...Bjork, Pumpkins, or other shows...just the indie rockers.

In any case, people can do whatever they want. I don't think there's any particular way people should behave at concerts, and I don't necessarily think people should dance or thrash or whatever...it just sorta seems like large crowds of people joined by shared interests and passions should result in something bigger, more energetic, and more fun...not less.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.

Updated List:
1) The Shell Game (name withheld for national security purposes)
2) Cereus Blooms at Midnight (Sarah)
3) Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay (Hsien) (Complete!)
4) Then We Came to the End (M.)
5) Working Stiff (MH)
6) Down and Out in Paris and London (Haubenreich)
7) Atlas Shrugged (RS)
8) White Castle (Korobi)
9) Catch-22 (tentative)

So I have now made it through the first suggestion in this little list I've compiled. I will begin by explaining how I managed to finish this book during a weekend where I spent every waking minute surrounded by the "Bulletworthies" (i.e., friends I would take a bullet for, though probably in the leg or something) or engaged in reckless drinking, celebration, and joyous fun you forgot was possible after 3 years of law school.

The answer is this: Sitting on a plane next to an overweight-balding man who greets you immediately upon sitting down with a very friendly hello, and attempts to engage you in an in-depth discussion about anything and everything. In this case, after trying to probe my history and legal education, I learned he was in the air conditioning business. Despite my general lust for life and desire to fill my mind with all the knowledge the world can offer me, I do NOT give a shit about air conditioners. I would also like to note that I am not one of those people who has this general hatred for people who strike up conversations on airplanes, and expresses the conventional distaste for all those folks...I just had no interest whatsoever in talking to this man. Thus, as SOON as a stewardess came by to ask him about his food preferences, I immediately opened my book and did not emerge from this alternate reality until the plane had landed, at which point I looked at him brightly and engaged in a lively 4 minute conversation about IP law and air conditioners.
On the smug, smarm-o-meter, this book registers quite low, which is excellent. On the sweeping grand American novel, this book registers quite high. On the readability, I give it an 8 out of 10. On incidence of Jews (RS!), I give it a 9 out of 10. And, on its ability to strike you dumb with the sudden appearance of jaw-dropping one-liners and profound truths about love, life, humanity, and the deep inner workings of each of our souls...I'm going to have to give it a 3, because it's really not that kind of book. (On that count, for some reason Middlesex, On Beauty, and Death in Venice seem to stick in my head.)

In short, I thoroughly enjoyed it the way I enjoy a big sweeping period piece film...it's interesting, it's extremely well done, it's got heart, it's got presence of mind, it soars and careens, it teaches and it engages, and the scope and breadth clearly show that author's imagination is firing on all cylinders. And even though it's not food for the soul, it is a damn good read.

I'm really very lame about fiction, art, and life in general, so I attempt any sort of "book review." As it turns out, I tend to have terrible taste in films, music, books, art, wine, food, cigars, and anything else that has any sort of elite following. Either I don't understand it, or I just lack the capacity to appreciate it (e.g., my allergies will always prevent me from being a "super taster" that can appreciate food and wine in certain ways.) So in short, even if I love things, and understand to myself why it is I love them, I am often not able to articulate what it is that struck me without using too many "verys" "reallys" "awesomes" "interesting" "beautifuls" and "seriouslys."

In sum, however, this book is really very awesome. The language and story are sweeping, magnificent and beautiful in their own special way. The story itself, weaving the golden age of comics, the Holocaust, and the intricacies of relationships is really quite interesting. In short, I strongly recommend "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay" by Michael Chabon. Seriously.

On to The Shell Game!

Wowee.

For fear of trying to encapsulate (and thus limiting) such a singular moment in my life, I'll just say that I have just had three of the most incredible and beautiful days of my entire life...which is strange considering that this was someone else's wedding. A weekend of witnessing and experiencing such immense joy and awe that I have been reduced to tears and rendered speechless (except, of course, for this little post).

omg.

Please Respond! Really. No seriously.

Update: The list, in order, thus far...

1) J's suggestion.
2) Sarah's ONE suggestion.
3) Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
4) Then We Came to the End
5) Working Stiff
6) Down and Out in Paris and London
7) Atlas Shrugged

It's that time of the year again...That's right, those short little periods of my life where I'm not in school! And that means...I will be reading books again!

During a drink with a couple of classmates after the last exam, we somehow got into a long discussion about a couple of books that we really liked, and ended up just having one of those really great conversations with people you don't really know. What came out of it was a string of emails where we suggested books to each other. (To get it out of the way, my initial suggestions, which erred heavily on the safe side, were Bel Canto by Anna Patchett (a million thanks for that one, M.!), God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, and The Omnivore's Dilemma just for good measure.) (one of them promptly read Bel Canto in two days and fell in love with it.)

So, the first suggestion I got was What is the What by Dave Eggers. I have to say, this was among the more intense books I've read, and I recommend it to anyone who is looking for a worthwhile book to pick up (and hasn't read any of my initial suggestions). I don't really have anything interesting to comment about it, except that if you're wary of Dave Eggers because you're generally irritated by the Jonathan-Safran-Foer-Dave-Eggers-Nicole-Krauss-or-who-the-hell-ever-contemporary-literary-star smarminess and over cleverness, that is NOT an issue that I encountered with this book at all. (No, I haven't read any other Eggers. I only read one Foer book and thought it sucked. And I couldn't finish Krauss' novel even after reading half of it.)

The second suggestion I got was Snow by Orhan Pamuk. I will start that next.

(For the record, I've been reading off-and-on The Echo Maker by Richard Powers, The Sportswriter by Richard Ford, and The Emperor's Children by Claire Messud. All three novels are supposed to be spectacular -- all three novels have not been able to draw me in thus far, and have become of the victim of Iread70pagesofit3monthsagoandprobablywon'ttryagainitis. It's a tragic disease.

That brings me to my real point in all of this: I would like your book suggestions! Hopefully I will gather enough suggestions from friends so that I won't have to waste any time with shitty books. I'm going to assume for the moment that you are at least a little bit like me, and always like it when other people share in something you love...so here's the sweetener: I promise I will read the book you suggest.

So here are the "rules" which I'm laying out only to avoid possible abuses, mostly by RS. (yeah, that's right, bitch.)

1) You must have read the book yourself.
2) You must have enjoyed the book.
3) You may only suggest one book.
4) Don't be a dick.

I know that no one really comes online or checks this anymore now that school's out, but even if you stumble across this post much later, please post your suggestion anyway, because I am notified whenever someone comments.

Cool. Thanks. This is my gratitude expressed in celebration.
And yes, I am that far off the ground. Although we have (badly) deliberately tried to hide the fact that I am leaping off of a huge rock onto the sand, the fact that I would do so so recklessly from such a height is cool enough for me to come clean about it.

Phew!

Just spent a weekend at a "beach" house at Cape Cod. It was pure gluttony, drinking, fun, no sun (it was Massachussetts), and other shenanigans. I'll post more about it later if the mood strikes me. I'm exhausted.

...And Congrats the few of you who have cleared the Gauntlet! (that's insane.)

And, of course...

My crusade continues...

If this chart isn't perfectly consistent with your understanding of your diet, I once again suggest you read "The Omnivore's Dilemma."

And I continue my promise to buy the book from you after you read 100 pages if you don't like it...Seriously. Go.

Edit: Asthma at half-mast.

Proud.

Two reasons.

1) The 110+ page paper on Hong Kong is complete. Law school is over.
2) I finally like my Facebook profile picture.

Bastard Covered Bastards with Bastard on Top

Do you think it would be rude if the last thing I said to him was...?
"Hey, I'm glad I got to work with you. Working with you taught me that life is unfair."

Allow me to give you a few of hundreds of memorable exchanges during my year with him, and I'm quoting from the emails:

[email after going through 15 pages of his garbage]

Me: So you said that the lowest percentage in 5 years was in 2002, which you say was ABOVE 30%. I just did the calculation and it was 27.5%. (1600/5800). What happened? Am I missing something?
Him: I did not do precise calculation, just calculate by heart.

(pause.) (?!??!?!?!) (unpause.)

Me: What does that MEAN? Calculate BY HEART? You have two numbers in front of you and you made a guess?
Him: it is not a guess. just rough calculation.
Me: Why are you making rough calculations when the numbers are in front of you?
Him: I think I only need the trend, not the precise number.
Me: But that's the point. The trend was incorrect. You made a broad claim that didn't require precision, but even the broad claim was wrong.

[my first whiff of plagiarism in drafting a textbook chapter]

Me: I'm finally looking at the new draft for your section. It is 100% different from the section you gave me last semester that I spent hours and edited, revised, and used and now you have given me something that is half as long, and entirely different.
Him: My second draft is a response to your request of writing in my own words. The first draft is just direct collection of information from someone's book, if you have revised it in a way that make it appear to be your own work, I think you can use the version you revised.
Me: Wait, so the first draft you gave me was actually COMPLETELY copied from the book? (awestruck) I don't understand how that is possible.
Him: The first draft is collection of information, and the second draft is paraphrasing and summarizing. I understand this two-step work is what we are expected to do: "Something between" as you said. I never think the first-step work can be used for public purpose. It was given to you in a hasty manner and expected to need additional work.
Me: [Struck dumb]

[my second whiff of plagiarism for ANOTHER paper I had to do with him]

Me: I am looking through your write up on the [agency]. Much of it is identical to the webpage and it is not properly quoted or attributed. This is plagiarism, and we can be kicked out of school for this, and prevented from joining the bar. This is a VERY serious problem. Are other sections of your paper also directly taken from sources without quotations, without direct citation, and without direct paraphrasing?
Him: [sends back badly paraphrased passage with a general webpage link]
Me: You must provide the ACTUAL LINK. You cannot expect people to surf the web page until they find it. Send the ACTUAL link.
Him: [FAILS.]

[third whiff]

Me: You have to be honest with me. I just found another section in the paper that is directly cut and pasted from article that you did not tell me about. I now have to rewrite that entire section that was YOUR responsibility in the FALL. Even where it is cut and pasted it is NOT complete. You need to tell me exactly where you have lifted text from other papers. It is unacceptable for me to be continuing to find plagiarism all over the paper.
Him: it is a surprise to me. I reviewed this part twice. I will get back to you later.
Him: I guess the section you mentioned is the part included below. I guess a citation is lost for this part. I did not check that but it is possible. I tried to review and revise all the parts I wrote from early April and I think I did that, because I almost rewrote my part. In fact I did rewrite the whole HKex part, and reviewed other parts I wrote and revised substantially accordingly. But the writing period is a year long long and not continuous, sometimes I have to rely on my memory. and sometimes some citation may be lost in editing... [note, no this doesn't make sense]....anyway, I rewrite that part. [sends a large body of text in the email with a citation]
Me: Actually, that's the wrong citation, and it's not even that section, but it is the section after that. Almost the entire section is directly lifted. [yes, he did the wrong section and sent the wrong citation.]

Truly and without exaggeration, these snippets are the ice cube sized tip of the Titanic sinking iceberg. Over the course of this year I have discovered entire passages of plagiarism lifted off of websites, articles, and textbooks. The parts that were not plagiarized were incomprehensible English. I had to work with him ALL year on TWO separate projects, both 70-80 page research projects on the Chinese and Hong Kong financial systems. I discovered in MARCH that everything I had ever received from him was useless, plagiarized, or flatly made up. The problem is...is that he actually believes he is doing good work. So the harder I whip him, the more CRAP I get from him. I HATE working with him. So I just end up verbally abusing him...ultimately provoking this response after I continue to help him out with his own work.

Me: Please respond as precisely as you can when you receive my questions to your revisions, particularly because I am only doing this tonight because you specifically asked me to review your portions for your LLM requirement.
Him: I truly appreciate that. sometimes I felt like to grab a knife to kill myself when we were communicating.

Three Months!

Yes, yes, it IS tiresome to get updated about my (non) smoking habits, but I posted it up here to make public my shame or success, and I shall continue because you suck.

First we start with statistics...

• On April 5, I smoked half a cigarette I picked up off the floor of the hotel room at 5 am after 10 hours of eating, drinking, taking shots, drinking, getting contact buzzed, and more drinking at a bachelor party. And that was it. It usually only takes a single cigarette to unwind months and months of non-smoking...
• I have also smoked two cigars. I do not consider cigars to be a problem.
  
• 899.5 cigarettes have now gone unsmoked. That's 44.95 packs of cigarettes unsmoked.
  
• $360 dollars saved, which I guess has now gone towards hippie vegetables.
  
• And, if myth has merit, I have regained somewhere between 135 to 164 hours of my life back...nearly a week of extra anti-Asian racism this world gets to experience.
  
• I've managed to run approximately 40 miles since then, and lost I think...10 pounds despite the uptick in alcohol consumption. And yes, socially and celebratory...
  

Ok, song of myself ended, gloating over for another month. heh. Now fuck you. I have to go write a paper about Hong Kong's securities markets, and figure out how not to lose my mind in dark black-tar hatred of all people from Mainland China.....

McCain and Hillary's Gas Tax.

I've considered the McCain gas tax holiday proposal to be stupid from the moment I heard it. In short, McCain's "economic" policy has been to remove the federal excise taxes on gasoline during the summer months. I don't think I need to explain why this is retarded, unless for some reason you see some rationality behind artificially spurring energy consumption during a period where it is more than clear that encouraging Americans to use more oil is not good policy. (I suspect I'm going to hear some reason explained, probably by RS, but I will go ahead and pre-empt you by saying "NO, WRONG.") But then...Hillary Clinton decided to adopt the policy in her platform. Wtf.

Anyhow, I somehow steered onto Greg Mankiw's blog...he's an economist at Harvard, and he summed up the political aspect of the issue quite concisely, so I'll use his words.

Many economic issues (e.g., health care, corporate taxation, the trade deficit) are vastly complicated, with experts holding a variety of opinions. When candidates disagree, it simply means that each is siding with a different set of experts, and it is hard for laymen to figure out which set of experts is right. By contrast, the gas tax holiday is not nearly as complicated, and the experts speak with one voice.

Why, then, are candidates proposing the holiday? I can think of three hypotheses:

Ignorance: They don't know that the consensus of experts is opposed.

Hubris: They know the experts are opposed, but they think they know better.

Mendacity with a dash of condescension: They know the experts are opposed, and they secretly agree, but they think they can win some votes by pulling the wool over the eyes of an ill-informed electorate.

So which of these three hypotheses is right? I don't know, but whichever it is, it says a lot about the character of the candidates.

ALLERGIES ARE HELL.

WHY!!?!??!!?

This is not amusing. Shouldn't evolution have weeded me out by now? Or is that what it's doing? CUZ YOU'RE DOING A DAMNED GOOD FUCKING JOB!



See? Even my run had to be cut short....because apparently I have some sort of seasonal asthma that makes it very hard to breathe. What the fuck!?

Final Final!

I have finished my final final exam!!!!!!!!!

I do have a paper left, but fuck it.

I am rightfully fucking hammered. Salut!
Actually this is more accurate.


(i.e., nails get hammered)

Questions for a Nixonian Reaganite.

RS,

I keep running into people who seem to share your enumerated first principles that seem to anchor your worldview and shape your political leanings, and I've been mulling them over. So in continuation of our last discussion, I want to reiterate one question and ask you another.

1) Distinguish your economic model from Darwinism.
2) Explain why slavery is objectionable, and not reflective of a market wage.

You're free to bring in alternative moral theories (which I think is probably absolutely necessary), or I suppose, stack your moral theories in some sort of hierarchy to make sense of it. I tend to think, though, that introducing almost any set of moral philosophy or principles (outside of Objectivism) will force you to untether yourself from your foundational principles.

You can email me your response if you don't want to do it bloggy style (yes, I am very aware that made you uncomfortable).

Experiment.

I have an experiment for you: Type in ANY common white female first name into Google Images. (For the moment, lets ignore the fanciful foreign names.)

Was anyone able to find ANY name that didn't automatically result in some hardcore porn or nudity on the first page? I'll buy a round for the first person who can find me some fairly normal female name that will bring up a child-friendly page of results.

(I discovered this sad fact after typing in "Katrina" to find pictures of post-hurricane devastation only to discover, while in the library, an entire page of porn splashed across my screen. No pun intended.)


P.S.
Yesterday's episode of Fresh Air (NPR interview show) featured Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. (If you don't know who they are, then you won't be interested.)

It has come to this....

My boredom and exhaustion from tax cramming has led me to movie commentary. And not real movie commentary, mind you, but commentary about THIS:



The truth is, I'm actually sort of excited. Not because it's about the Hulk. I never read the Hulk, I never had interest in the Hulk, and the Hulk movie made by one of my people (Taiwanese Ang Lee) was a total piece of ass. No, I think I'm excited purely because Edward Norton is the Hulk. And I don't even know why. I just think that's awesome. Plus, Tim Roth has a movie role again...which is fantastic since the only thing I really remember him for is Quentin Tarantino movies from my high school days. Admittedly the movie looks shitty, minus the Edward Norton, but I don't think I care all that much.

That's all. My tax exam sucked.