Ah, the Naivete!

I remember when I first arrived in law school I was utterly confused about the concept of law firms. I mean, of course I knew that there existed an entity called a "law firm," most probably only because of the Tom Cruise movie, but I wasn't aware that lawyers practiced law in firms. More appropriately, I didn't understand the legal market at all. For example, I came into law school believing that big shot lawyers were the ones who had advertisements on television. That personal representation is what they meant by "practicing law." I believed that when people talked about obscenely rich lawyers, that they were referring to those who brought suits against the tobacco companies, or the people who chased ambulances, or who sued doctors. I mean, John Edwards was an extremely wealthy trial attorney who made his money practicing medical malpractice law. So, when the Career Services meetings discussed "getting the job at the big firm" I remember looking around the room to see if that registered for other people...if that was something they already knew in the first few weeks of law school.

I imagined law to be much like a glorified liberal arts degree. An extension of political science, public policy, and philosophy. Of course there were lawyers doing dry things like practicing law for businesses, and ambulance chasers without ethics. But I thought I would be going somewhere else. I imagined that international law really existed. That there were international lawyers practicing international law. That there were human rights lawyers standing in international court rooms decrying the human rights abuses of the world. That there were plenty of people like Mark Darcy (from Bridget Jones' Diary. Shut up) who were "human rights barristers" who were somehow wealthy and doing human rights law at the age of 30-something. I thought maybe I would go to the UN, or work for the World Bank, or be involved in something sexy, international, and humane. International Human Rights Law. It just sounds cool.

Unfortunately, no. Once. Twice. Three times! No.

The law is not sexy. Turns out it's fascinating, interesting, engaging, complex, and important. And I've also met some of the best people I will ever meet through the law. And I think the law is definitely a worthwhile place to be, and an admirable profession in the right circumstances. But definitely not sexy. International law is corporate transactions. International law is domestic law practiced over a long-distance phone line and fax machines (or PDFs if you're going to be nitpicky.) Human rights law is arguing cases about employment discrimination. Even at its sexiest, it's about the interpretation of the word "reasonable" or "necessity" in arguing that a government went too far. International trade law is, and believe me I now know, the most boorish and meticulous textual analysis you will ever see. The dispute resolution body of the WTO would make Scalia glow.

So here I am...having made the transfer to Harvard (that's a picture of the library) ... wondering just where on earth this road goes ... and hoping that I've chosen the right path to find a place where I know I belong. It seems so hard to get out of law now that I've gotten in. Not that I want out of the law, but you hear so often that lawyers leave the law. Where do they go? Anyone have an answer besides business or banking?

As a final note, the Me who wrote his Personal Statement when applying to Harvard would be proud. It appears that I got what I wanted. I wanted to be intellectually challenged? Got it. I wanted to feel like an idiot, like I was floundering and forced to improve and struggle to survive? Got it. I wanted to feel overwhelmed, naively believing it would make me stronger? Got it. I wanted to find myself in a difficult situation where it's not clear whether I would sink or swim? Got that too. I can't say whether whether I wanted to be lonely and alienated...but I'm sure somewhere deep down I was aware it would happen. So got THAT one too.

The question now is whether any of this was worth it.