WTO, Frenchmen, and Hippies

This post, it turns out, is more boring than I thought it would be. As usual. I'm not a very good writer. But it's an actual event in my day, so I figure I should write about it.

I went to a speech at the Kennedy School of Government to see the Pascal Lamy, obviously French, but also the Director-General of the World Trade Organization, deliver a speech about the accountability of the WTO. As expected, there were about 15 hippies and activists standing outside banging on cans and protesting the WTO. I'm also certain, even without seeing one or hearing one, that there were bongos too. After all, they're hippies. One of them wore a paper bag over his head, curiously reminiscent to the "Anti-Mail Protest" bucket-headed postman Kramer used to wage protests against the USPS on Seinfeld. You remember:

Woman: "Why does this dummy have a bucket on its head?"
Kramer: "Because we're blind to their tyranny."
Woman: "Then shouldn't you be wearing the bucket?"

Anyway, the Speech began. Within 5 minutes, some unshaven hippie type suddenly stood up wearing a "NO WTO" headband and begin reading loudly an anti-WTO statement: "The WTO is the pawn of the evil corporations, who rape the poor and desperate with imperialism and colonialism, counting their billions of dollars while poor farmers die!" He was dragged out the room foaming at the mouth in righteous indignation about "Imperial Dogs" or something or other. A few scattered claps, widespread giggling, and bemusement from the Frenchman, who began again. 10 minutes later, another clean shaven, but obviously hippified gent stood up booming: "Save the Earth! Save the people of planet Earth! We demand an alternative trade system not based on corporate-profits and the bottom line, but on people's needs and freedom from the tyranny of neo-colonialism and imperialism." Summarily dragged out of the room, fulminating about Colonial rape and pillage. This happened at least 6 times over the course of an hour. "The WTO prevents desperate Africans dying of AIDS from getting Anti-HIV drugs, which are a human right!" "Save the puppy otter kittens and poor desperate African people!" "Evil Corporations are evil, and they do evil things because they're evil. I hate you WTO!" It was fantastic. Hippie manhandling and self-righteous indignation by 19 year old protestors as they are forcibly thrown out of rooms is a beauteous thing.

As expected, when question and answer time came, I relearned the lesson that activists don't ask questions. Why? Because, apparently, they already have all the answers. Always. Instead of taking a moment to actually pose a difficult question to the head of the WTO, it must be more productive to pontificate in radical terms. To believe so firmly that the mere invocation of a dying African villager and shouting the word "imperialism" actually means something. That it actually DOES something.

I hate hippies. See this picture? I bet they hate the WTO too.


So Yes. The Global trading system has problems. I've always thought there were systemic failures in government and governance around the world... but I never understood the rabid antipathy super-lefties have for the WTO. (Notice that the WTO protest pictures here include "Free Mumia" and "Who Killed Tupac" signs.)

(My 2 cents. The WTO is a multilateral organization that is essentially a table for countries to talk to each other. My guess is that the WTO itself has about 15 staff members total, and the reality is that the WTO has no institutional power whatsoever. In essence, the protestors are blaming the rules of engagement for the results...analagous to blaming the simple rules of a courtroom, like taking an oath, for allowing the death penalty to be inflicted on an innocent man. Stupid.)

After the speech ended, I decided to talk to some of the protestors. I approached the skinny little ragamuffin who was the first one thrown from the building, and just calmly asked him "Can you actually just help me out and explain what your position is? What is your actual problem with the WTO?" Although not revealed, I had really had two purposes: 1) Figure out what they were actually upset about if they could articulate it because I am simply baffled by the level of venom that exists on this issue, and/or 2) Confirm my suspicions that they didn't know what they were talking about and protesting, and calmly demonstrate that fact to them without hostility. In essence and if necessary, I planned to rip them new ones, but with an air of civility. Here's what I discovered.

1) They weren't actually sure what they were upset about. Except for "The Corporations." and also "The Corporations man." and sometimes, "The Evil Corporations." (By the way, Did you know that one time, in Guatemala, a Corporation came in and privatized the water? I mean the water man! And then because they wanted more corporate profits, they killed everybody's mother? And then, like, peed on them, raped their children, and brought Satan's reign to earth? No really. I have a book you should read.) The more I talked, the more it became clear that actually didn't actually know what the WTO was, didn't know why it should be upsetting, and were fundamentally opposed to free markets, market mechanisms, basic economics, gains from trade, and every other economic concept that has served as the bedrock of all wealth creation and successful economies for the past few hundred years. Ironically, it's actually the same position taken by Creationists who flatly refuse to acknowledge something has been demonstrated, proven, verified, quantified, qualified, seen, understood, analyzed, and established as fact by many of the most brilliant minds in human history...because they don't want to.

And when asked directly if anything positive had ever come out of free trade and the WTO, the answer was flatly, absolutely, and unequivocally "No." That was pretty much the point I drew my final conclusion that I was talking to total douchebags without the slightest value...that I could learn nothing from, and would spend the rest of my life distancing myself from. Thus did the Socratic Gadfly emerge and begin tearing away at the location of the new asshole I was going to tear them.

2) By the end of about 10 minutes of friendly conversation, one of the bearded bandanna wearing protestors realized that he didn't know what he was talking about and became completely silent. I can't say I was being intellectually honest myself, but I definitely insinuated that he was ignorant and had no ground to stand on. Which he had no choice but to accept. The other bearded bandanna wearing protestor became increasingly loud as he was backed increasingly into the corner, finally declaring that he did not believe in markets or planned economies, (or even just...economics) instead believing only in "participatory economics" and positing the alternative government system of "listening to the voices of the people." As expected, their final comments were "You really should read this material on the internet man, and check out this one movie about the poor," and "you should talk to that guy, he really knows what he's talking about." Both were so confused as to what their point was, that they finally "admitted" to me that they weren't actually saying what they believed, but that they, apparently, were messengers for Third-Worlders who are suffering under the crushing weight of the WTO and merely read their words.

Let me just say this: I don't know what the answer is. But if you are going to stand up to shout against the Director-General of the WTO during a friendly speech he was giving, boo him for the state of global politics he is trying to fix, and be a self-righteous, unshaven, waste of precious calories and oxygen who believes that you have the ultimate solution for the poor and destitute of the world because you've reached the age of 18 and read a Noam Chomsky book without bathing for 6 weeks - At least know what you're protesting about. And then go fuck yourself.

...Unless you can think up something like this, which at least in my eyes, is truly effective.
P.S. - For those of you who made it this far...congratulations. But I also just wanted to add that my week in NYC has turned out spectacularly successful, culminating in a batting average of 1.00. Booyah.